I didn’t sleep while I was pregnant. At all. You might think I’m being overly
dramatic when I say that but I assure you I am not. I turned my bed into a big
bouncy castle of pillows. That’s one thing they don’t tell you about pregnancy.
You will never have enough pillows. And then I bought one of those giant C
shaped pillows because other pregnant women on the internet promised me that it would
fix my backache, support my ever-growing stomach, and stop the numbness in my
legs. I was under the impression that it would probably also cure cancer. So I
spent $70. On a pillow.
Instead all it really did was create a fortress of
no-sex-for-you that separated me from my wife. Which, was totally fine because
if you haven’t slept in several months the last thing you want to do in bed is
have sex with anyone. And when you are married to someone who is both hormonal
and hasn’t slept for several months you probably don’t want to have sex with
them either. So really the pillow served no purpose whatsoever. And did I
mention it was $70? For a pillow.
I started to resent Tracy for sleeping. I took her ability to fall asleep minutes after her head hit the pillow as a personal attack against me and our unborn child. She was like a Real Housewife of Somewhere Fancy eating a lobster dinner in a soup kitchen full of hungry homeless people. Total bitch. Eventually she got sick of my “accidental” jabs into her ribs and constant tossing, turning, and huffing. She moved into the spare room. She blamed it on the pillows that seemed to be multiplying and said that she was just giving me more space. I told her that if she was moving rooms she better go buy her own pillow because she wasn’t taking any of my eight.
I started to resent Tracy for sleeping. I took her ability to fall asleep minutes after her head hit the pillow as a personal attack against me and our unborn child. She was like a Real Housewife of Somewhere Fancy eating a lobster dinner in a soup kitchen full of hungry homeless people. Total bitch. Eventually she got sick of my “accidental” jabs into her ribs and constant tossing, turning, and huffing. She moved into the spare room. She blamed it on the pillows that seemed to be multiplying and said that she was just giving me more space. I told her that if she was moving rooms she better go buy her own pillow because she wasn’t taking any of my eight.
Some pregnant women anxiously wait for the day that they can
crack open a beer or scarf down some sushi. I was too busy (day) dreaming about
sleeping pills. So when Mac was born and I could suddenly sleep again I was on
top of the world. He would sleep for 2-3 hours at a time and I was usually able
to sleep for at least 2 of those shifts. Three hours of sleep felt like an
eternity. I would lay down in bed with him and nurse him until he was fast
asleep. Then I would deposit him into the playpen at the foot of the bed and
snuggle under covers. Breastfeeding was like a magic sleeping pill.
When you have a new baby people will often ask if you are
getting any sleep. Is he letting you
sleep? How is he sleeping? Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. But my answer was always
the same. I’m getting the best sleep of
my life. And it was true. It was glorious.
Then somewhere around the two-month mark he started sleeping
through the night. And I don’t mean the 5 straight hours that professionals call
STTN for a baby. Every single night at 7:30 PM he would fall asleep, no matter
where he was and what he was doing, and he would stay asleep until 5:30 AM. The
first time it happened I woke up certain that I would find him dead. But he
wasn’t. He was just sleeping. Through the night. I took great pride in this.
Clearly, it was an indication of my stellar parenting. I bragged about it every
chance I had. Hate me a little bit? That’s OK, I hate that me a little bit
too.
I moved him from the playpen in our room into the crib in
his own room. We wouldn’t be one of those co-sleeping couples. We would establish
clear boundaries and teach him to sleep on his own. We would protect our bed
and our (newly returned) sex life. I was winning at parenting.
I had heard about the “4 month sleep regression” but I
didn’t believe it. In case you hadn’t heard, my son was sleeping through the
night. But it's totally a real thing. And it happened. Some
nights he would wake-up every hour. He started acting as if his crib was a bed
of nails. He could be out cold but if I dared to place him gently into his crib
his eyes would pop open and he would scream as loud as his little lungs could.
And so we transitioned him into our bed. Truthfully, we
didn’t really mind. Everyone was sleeping and there are far worse things than
sleeping with a warm, snuggly, baby. Like basically everything else in the
world.
And that's how we have been going for the last 6 months. But suddenly this week things have changed again. I almost
don’t want to jinx it – he has been sleeping between 9 and 11 hours a night.
Uninterrupted. Seriously. This time I’m not delusional enough to believe that I
have anything to do with this change. He is running the show. And while I enjoy
his warm baby breath on the back of my neck at night I do hope that he will one
day sleep in his own bed. Hopefully before high school.
Erin · 682 weeks ago
Ashleigh · 682 weeks ago
As for the baby sleep thing, we too were "winning" at parenting in the beginning. Teagan slept from 7-7 without fail from 10 weeks onwards. Quinn slept from 7-5 and after a quick feed would sleep until 7. Everyone was jealous of me too. At the 6-month mark, we started experiencing sleep regression to the max. It has been off and on for the last 6 months. Co-sleeping isn't really an option with twins, but I say, do whatever works! We are constantly trying new things to deal with the night or early morning wakings. The twin thing adds a new challenge to the mix!
Lex · 682 weeks ago
BUT I was single a the time and determined not to have my kid in my bed for one second longer than she needed to be (Not, I promise you, that anyone else was invited either). Thankfully, when she hit 10 months she slept through the night again, and I moved her to the crib. I was adament about nighttime routine (same time every night, brush teeth, jammies, read books, tuck in, sing songs, say good night), which helped.
Co-sleeping works great for some, but it keeps me up. I'm so... AWARE of her when she's in the room. Like I'm still on the clock.
Love this blog, btw. Just found it recently. Yea!
Kathy Radigan · 682 weeks ago
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Amanda G. · 681 weeks ago
That aside, I'm firmly in the "do what works for you" camp. We didn't plan to co-sleep, but ended up doing it nearly full-time for about the first year or so, then transitioned to putting him to sleep in his own crib (then toddler bed, then double bed). Until he was 3.5, he still nearly always woke once in the middle of the night and came to sleep with us. At 3.5, he FINALLY started sleeping all the way through the night. We'd periodically wonder if he "should" still be waking in the night, or if we "should" be still letting him climb into our bed since that might have been a factor in the midnight waking, but you know what? Since it was never really a big problem for us (just sometimes a perceived problem by people we talked to, and an occassional annoyance to us), we didn't worry about it. I enjoyed my nighttime snuggles while they lasted, and usually still get early-morning snuggles instead now.
Every child is different, and as long as whatever's happening works for those in the room at night, that's all that matters.
Michaela · 681 weeks ago
There is literally nothing more important to me in the world than being able to sleep! I can't believe you were so uncomfortable and unable to sleep for so long! I also can't believe how positive this post is. Also when will you be able to put him back in his crib?
Aren't you scared you're going to roll over and crush him?? Or that during one of your naps he'd wake up crying but you'd be fast asleep and not wake up??
You and women like you are my heroes!
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