Monday, 4 June 2012

Sleep


I didn’t sleep while I was pregnant. At all.  You might think I’m being overly dramatic when I say that but I assure you I am not. I turned my bed into a big bouncy castle of pillows. That’s one thing they don’t tell you about pregnancy. You will never have enough pillows. And then I bought one of those giant C shaped pillows because other pregnant women on the internet promised me that it would fix my backache, support my ever-growing stomach, and stop the numbness in my legs. I was under the impression that it would probably also cure cancer. So I spent $70. On a pillow.



Instead all it really did was create a fortress of no-sex-for-you that separated me from my wife. Which, was totally fine because if you haven’t slept in several months the last thing you want to do in bed is have sex with anyone. And when you are married to someone who is both hormonal and hasn’t slept for several months you probably don’t want to have sex with them either. So really the pillow served no purpose whatsoever. And did I mention it was $70? For a pillow.

I started to resent Tracy for sleeping. I took her ability to fall asleep minutes after her head hit the pillow as a personal attack against me and our unborn child. She was like a Real Housewife of Somewhere Fancy eating a lobster dinner in a soup kitchen full of hungry homeless people. Total bitch. Eventually she got sick of my “accidental” jabs into her ribs and constant tossing, turning, and huffing. She moved into the spare room. She blamed it on the pillows that seemed to be multiplying and said that she was just giving me more space. I told her that if she was moving rooms she better go buy her own pillow because she wasn’t taking any of my eight.

Some pregnant women anxiously wait for the day that they can crack open a beer or scarf down some sushi. I was too busy (day) dreaming about sleeping pills. So when Mac was born and I could suddenly sleep again I was on top of the world. He would sleep for 2-3 hours at a time and I was usually able to sleep for at least 2 of those shifts. Three hours of sleep felt like an eternity. I would lay down in bed with him and nurse him until he was fast asleep. Then I would deposit him into the playpen at the foot of the bed and snuggle under covers. Breastfeeding was like a magic sleeping pill.

When you have a new baby people will often ask if you are getting any sleep. Is he letting you sleep? How is he sleeping? Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. But my answer was always the same. I’m getting the best sleep of my life. And it was true. It was glorious.

Then somewhere around the two-month mark he started sleeping through the night. And I don’t mean the 5 straight hours that professionals call STTN for a baby. Every single night at 7:30 PM he would fall asleep, no matter where he was and what he was doing, and he would stay asleep until 5:30 AM. The first time it happened I woke up certain that I would find him dead. But he wasn’t. He was just sleeping. Through the night. I took great pride in this. Clearly, it was an indication of my stellar parenting. I bragged about it every chance I had. Hate me a little bit? That’s OK, I hate that me a little bit too.

I moved him from the playpen in our room into the crib in his own room. We wouldn’t be one of those co-sleeping couples. We would establish clear boundaries and teach him to sleep on his own. We would protect our bed and our (newly returned) sex life. I was winning at parenting.

I had heard about the “4 month sleep regression” but I didn’t believe it. In case you hadn’t heard, my son was sleeping through the night. But it's totally a real thing. And it happened.  Some nights he would wake-up every hour. He started acting as if his crib was a bed of nails. He could be out cold but if I dared to place him gently into his crib his eyes would pop open and he would scream as loud as his little lungs could.

And so we transitioned him into our bed. Truthfully, we didn’t really mind. Everyone was sleeping and there are far worse things than sleeping with a warm, snuggly, baby. Like basically everything else in the world.

And that's how we have been going for the last 6 months. But suddenly this week things have changed again. I almost don’t want to jinx it – he has been sleeping between 9 and 11 hours a night. Uninterrupted. Seriously. This time I’m not delusional enough to believe that I have anything to do with this change. He is running the show. And while I enjoy his warm baby breath on the back of my neck at night I do hope that he will one day sleep in his own bed. Hopefully before high school.


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Comments (20)

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I can totally relate...my circumstances and situation were different. I didn't want to "co-sleep" it just happened that way. Long story short, when my oldest was 3 weeks old...my husband & I had to move back in with my mom. All 3 of us shared a room...she quickly out grew her play pen and BOOM, she's sleeping with us. When we moved out, I fought tooth and nail to get her to sleep in her own room...but she and her dad teamed up against me and I LOST!! When we divorced, she was 4 and we moved in w/ my dad and had to share a room again...but FINALLY on her 5th birthday, she started to sleeping in her own bed...but now w/o it sounding like WWIX was taking place. Now she's 13 and still sneaks into my bed from time to time. She's screwed if I ever get remarried. (So maybe that wasn't the short story...lol)
Ahh sleep. I too didn't sleep AT ALL during my pregnancy. I would fall asleep easily but wake soon after and lie there. Eventually, I would get up, sometimes to watch TV, write a blog or eat. In the morning, Jenn would tell me how well she slept. Brutal.
As for the baby sleep thing, we too were "winning" at parenting in the beginning. Teagan slept from 7-7 without fail from 10 weeks onwards. Quinn slept from 7-5 and after a quick feed would sleep until 7. Everyone was jealous of me too. At the 6-month mark, we started experiencing sleep regression to the max. It has been off and on for the last 6 months. Co-sleeping isn't really an option with twins, but I say, do whatever works! We are constantly trying new things to deal with the night or early morning wakings. The twin thing adds a new challenge to the mix!
My daughter did the exact same thing Mac did--she slept TWELVE hours a night... until she hit 4 months. And then we were up and down about four times a night (she was on formula by then, so she did sleep a little longer than breast-fed babies probably would. Still-ugh.) And, of course, she ended up in my bed.

BUT I was single a the time and determined not to have my kid in my bed for one second longer than she needed to be (Not, I promise you, that anyone else was invited either). Thankfully, when she hit 10 months she slept through the night again, and I moved her to the crib. I was adament about nighttime routine (same time every night, brush teeth, jammies, read books, tuck in, sing songs, say good night), which helped.

Co-sleeping works great for some, but it keeps me up. I'm so... AWARE of her when she's in the room. Like I'm still on the clock.

Love this blog, btw. Just found it recently. Yea!
I called my pregnacy pillow Phil and truth be told I think my husband was a little jealous of Phil. Right after I had our first child Phil mysteriously disapered never to be seen again, until I got pregnant again and bought a new Phil!!! Lol! It's so funny how in the beginning how a baby sleeps or eats really makes you feel like you are either a genius parent or the worst parent in the world! Then you have another baby and you realize that each kid and each circumstance is so different!! Thanks for a great post! It realy goes so fast, my first baby is now a teenager and thats a whole other type of sleepless night!! Lol!
Before I had a kid, I was pretty judgmental about our friends who co-slept with their daughter. And then we had our baby and he slept in our room (and sometimes in our bed) until he was 9 months old. And now that he's 19 months old, he normally sleeps in his own crib, unless he can't or won't. And that's when I sleep with him in the queen bed that is also in his room (best decision ever). Oh and did I mention that I stay with him at night until he falls asleep in the big queen bed and then sometime later in the evening I transfer him to his crib? I know we have been judged, but I wouldn't trade our routine for the world. We have a happy, healthy, active son who is a joy to be around. 'Nuff said.
I agree with Nilsa, do what you need to do to get both of you to sleep. You're both better for it! He WILL sleep in his own bed one day. Don't the the "experts" -- docs, books, friends, etc. -- tell you otherwise that this will determine the rest of his life. I co slept with my parents into elementary school b/c we shared a bedroom in a house (not our house). I sleep like a log. No problem. Luckily, we didn't have much issue with transitioning our son to his own crib -- at around 3 mos. He wasn't fully sleeping through the night until 10 mos but that's because we were still feeding him. Anyways, good luck and know that sickness, teething, imagination, etc. might change things in the future (it does for us) but we just gotta roll with the punches.
It's almost like you're reading my diary! My daughter set her own bedtime at 7pm when she was 2 months old, and casually decided she enjoyed 11 hours of sleep instead of a 2am feeding. Now that she's four and a half months old, and spoiled me for two solid months, I worry that it's because I told people about her sleeping habits. But she was sent to the crib in just weeks after her birth, as we found she was a) a loud sleeper and b) tired of us waking her up to make sure she was breathing. She sleeps in the crib, but is pretty content to do so. I'd let you know when she starts sleeping through the night again, but I don't wanna jinx it, so I'll be keeping it to myself *hear that universe??!!*
We are working on the sleep still. Our babe is almost 10 months old and is sleeping with us. He is not one of those babies that puts himself to sleep, to him sleep is just a last resort if all else fails and he is completely exhausted and bored he might think about sleeping. We thought about putting him in his crib or pack and play for about half a second when he was smaller but he has always slept with us and that is how we both want it. Plus I am still breastfeeding and he usually gets up once at night to eat so it is much easier for all involved. It has been well over a year since I have had a full nights sleep... I can hardly remember what it is like... P.S. I love the diagram. It looks quite familiar.
Its really hard to sleep during pregnant specially 7-9 months. I cant sleep on my back long hours I find comfortable on side view or C-shape position. I enjoy sleeping with my son its a good feeling sleeping beside him.
OMG I bought "the pillow" too!!! crazy thing.. Spencer(my 3 yr old son at the time) had the best time with it preteding it was a snake... great $70 toy lol
Amanda G.'s avatar

Amanda G. · 681 weeks ago

First, I have to say that I LOVED that particular pillow, and it was personally some of the best money I've ever spent.
That aside, I'm firmly in the "do what works for you" camp. We didn't plan to co-sleep, but ended up doing it nearly full-time for about the first year or so, then transitioned to putting him to sleep in his own crib (then toddler bed, then double bed). Until he was 3.5, he still nearly always woke once in the middle of the night and came to sleep with us. At 3.5, he FINALLY started sleeping all the way through the night. We'd periodically wonder if he "should" still be waking in the night, or if we "should" be still letting him climb into our bed since that might have been a factor in the midnight waking, but you know what? Since it was never really a big problem for us (just sometimes a perceived problem by people we talked to, and an occassional annoyance to us), we didn't worry about it. I enjoyed my nighttime snuggles while they lasted, and usually still get early-morning snuggles instead now.
Every child is different, and as long as whatever's happening works for those in the room at night, that's all that matters.
This entire post was completely terrifying for me! (I'm only 20 so I guess a lot about pregnancy seems daunting)
There is literally nothing more important to me in the world than being able to sleep! I can't believe you were so uncomfortable and unable to sleep for so long! I also can't believe how positive this post is. Also when will you be able to put him back in his crib?

Aren't you scared you're going to roll over and crush him?? Or that during one of your naps he'd wake up crying but you'd be fast asleep and not wake up??

You and women like you are my heroes!
I just loved this post! It brought back memories of when I had my first child. He woke up every 2 hours around the clock until he was 3 months old. All I ever did was sleep in 1 and 1 1/2 hour snatches (it take me awhile to fall asleep myself no matter how tired I am) until he was 3 months old. The first time he slept through the night I kept waking up and checking on him just certain that he was dead. No, he was fast asleep, but my clock was still set to waking up every 2 hours. BTW, I started the mounds of pillows when I was first pregnant and 26 years later I still have that mound of pillows on the bed...the kids are gone but not the pillows!
Yes on the pillows! YDD is only a month and I'm down to 1 pillow between my knees. ODD was in her bassinet for 1.5 months then we moved her to her crib bc she's a loud sleeper. Even now at 3yro she sleep talks so loud it wakes us up. She never slept a whole night in bed with us until she was 2.5 yro, bc she didn't want to. I did breastfeed her exclusively in bed for 8 months however. With YDD she has already slept a few nights in our bed and bc my mom is living with us, she'll stay in her bassinet for a bit longer. And I'm keeping the single bed in her room!
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