A little over a year ago my wife and I made a baby with an amazing man that we met online. This raises a lot of questions. As it says in my profile, I am a shy over-sharer. I encourage questions and am happy to answer them openly and honestly. Even if your question is why did you need an artichoke jar to make a baby? I will gladly give you all the details. However, sometimes random people in the grocery store approach us and say really asinine things. You should probably learn from their mistakes.
Who is the mom?
We both are.
No, but who is the real mom?
When you ask who is the mom and we respond with we both are please do not follow up by asking us which one of us is the real mom. I can assure you that at 4:30 AM this morning neither of us felt like the fake mom. To be honest, if we meet someone new and s/he asks us who gave birth to our son we are happy to answer that question. But I am not speaking for all lesbian moms on this one.
Are you worried that he will be teased because he has lesbian moms?
You’re damn right I am. And just when I get comfortable enough in my own little gay-positive corner of the world to let some of that worry go someone comes along and reminds me that the world isn’t all sunshine and pride parades.
But don’t you think a boy needs a dad?
I think that children need guardians who love them.
Right, of course, but what about male role models? How will he learn to play sports? Shave? Pee standing up?
Mac has a lot of really great male role models in his life. He has grandfathers, uncles and cousins who will teach him things far more important than shaving and peeing standing up. His uncle Brit will show him how to be the kind of man that mothers-in-law hope their daughters will marry. His uncle Dan will teach him that even men who spend their days enforcing the law aren’t too tough to do the grocery shopping, wash windows or make beds with hospital corners. And his Dad is no slouch in the man department either. He won’t be raising him but he’ll be around enough to teach him about coordinating colors and that real men don’t shy away from expressing their feelings. I am fairly certain that his moms will be able to navigate the complex world of shaving and peeing standing up instruction but if we get stuck there are plenty of men we can turn to for help. And as for sports, his auntie Rishma has that one covered.
Are you worried he’ll be confused and end up gay or transgendered?
Well, all three of Mac’s parents were raised by heterosexual parents and none of us ended up straight. And, while I haven’t seen any studies done on the subject, my guess is that most transgendered folks were born to heterosexual parents as well. But, more importantly, I’m not at all worried that he’ll be gay or transgendered because neither of those possibilities would upset me. My only hope is that my son will grow up to be exactly who he wants to be.
Don’t you think that being gay is a sign from God that you shouldn’t procreate?
No, I don’t. And if you do I don’t want to know you.
So, there you have it, a quick 101 on how not to talk to lesbian families. As I finish this post I am a bit worried that I have just discouraged you from asking questions about my family. I want to reiterate that I am happy to answer most questions. I love my little family and will never shy away from an excuse to talk about it. So, if you are curious about something leave a comment below. Just don’t ask me if I am the real mom.
|Can you spot the real mom?|
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