Tuesday 13 December 2011

Shopping for Sperm on the Internet (Prequel Part 2)

If you missed the first part of this story you can read it here.

So where do lesbians turn when they are trying to meet the father of their unborn children? The internet. Obviously. You can find anything on the internet. Want a poodle/shih tzu/great dane/Labrador retriever cross puppy? You can find that online. Want someone to clean your apartment naked while humming Christmas carols? You can find that online too. But what about sperm? We knew that we could find it online if we looked hard enough but we had to wonder what kind of guys were out there, sitting at their computers, wanting to give it away. The answer, we quickly learned, was all sorts of guys. We put up a few ads on free sites meant to connect potential mothers and fathers. Mostly we got a lot of messages from men wanting to have a three-way. We got one message from a guy who had a picture of his penis as his profile picture (I’m not kidding) and couldn’t stop talking about the fact that he coached hockey and how much he loved to be around children. There’s something unnerving about a grown man talking about his love for children while exposing his genitals. There was another man from Bangladesh who asked me to send him a money order so that he could send me his sperm in the post. Like it would just show up in a Ziploc baggie inside a manila envelope. One of my favorite potential donor-dads bragged about his athletic building. What is an athletic building you ask? Read for yourself!

My name is Chris and your ad caught my eye. I think we could be a match. I live in Florida but travel to Ottawa for business alot [sic]. I'm very successful in the world of IT. I'll tell you a bit about me and then want to hear about you. I've been told I'm good looking guy (okay, I've been told I'm a great looking guy but I'll try to be modest). I am 6 feet tall with brown eyes and an athletic building. I have a girlfriend and I would not want her to know about our arrangement so we will have to make plans to keep our plans secret. I can still be known to our baby but just will not tell my girlfriend. I'm straight but not narrow. Haha. Saw that on a button once. I think that lesbians should be able to have children and I just want to help them out. But I'm not into guys or girls who look like guys so if that describes you then this probably won't work. I just can't preform [sic] that way! I am D&D free and can get you test results. I will expect the same from you. I look forward to talking with you more. Please send pics and I will too. Chris

Yes, there are a lot of weird men on the internet trying to give away their sperm. But I didn’t settle in the wife department and I certainly wasn’t going to settle in the father-of-our-child department either. Tracy and I talked at length about what we were looking for in a potential donor but we weren’t entirely sure how to find him. We wanted somebody who was at least our age or older. Somebody who was interested in a parental role but not day-to-day parenting.  Someone smart and kind and funny. And it would be a nice bonus if he were good looking. We had a tall order. Tracy thought we were being unrealistic and that we would not find a guy to fit all of our requirements. I was slightly more hopeful but also had my doubts. As you already know we did find him. But more about that next time.

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