Monday 26 March 2012

Or at least an Auntie Tata


Tracy and I have lived away from our families for nearly a decade.  We’ve always enjoyed trips to our home towns filled with family and fun and loudness. But we’ve also always been happy to return home to our quiet house with our quiet dog and our own soft bed.

However, when I got pregnant the geographical distance between us and our parents suddenly left me feeling isolated. I grew-up with two sets of grandparents and several aunts and uncles within a 10 kilometer radius. My aunts taught me how to colour in the lines. My grandmother made me chocolate cake nearly on demand. And I was as likely to call my Poppa when I was sick at school as my parents. I was raised by a village of blood relatives.

As my belly expanded to make room for our precious Mac it occurred to me that we would be raising him on our own without the kind of family support that seems to make the whole endeavor much easier. Both of our families are within driving distance and will certainly come to help when needed but they wouldn’t be there for the day-to-day parenting.

We have a group of friends that form our pseudo family but I wondered if friends could truly form the village that our son would need to raise him.  And then I went into labour.  Both of our parents made it to the hospital as soon as they could. And many of Mac’s aunts-and-uncles-by-love showed up to welcome their new kin to the world.

As the person most in our daily lives I knew that Mac’s Auntie Tata would love him. I knew that they would be close and that he would bond with her effortlessly. But I didn’t expect the love between them to run as deeply as it has. I didn’t expect that she would race into the hospital in tears afraid that she wouldn’t be in the building as he made his grand entrance. And I certainly didn’t expect that she would visit him almost daily in the months that followed. 

Mac and his Auntie Tata: Day 1
When Mac was fussing through the “fourth trimester” his Auntie Tata stood (because altitude mattered) and bounced him endlessly.  Our tiny little dictator disallowed the swing that all of our friends’ babies seemed to love but managed to find comfort in his Auntie Tata’s arms. She bounced him while we lied on the couch and closed our eyes. She bounced him while I caught up on laundry. She bounced him into a state of complacency that gave all of our ears a break. 

Practicing the 5 "S's"
And through all that bouncing a bond formed between them that warms my heart to witness. His face lights up when she walks in the room and his arms reach up towards her. Tracy and I can always get the time away that we need while knowing that Mac is happy and secure with his Auntie Tata. And I am certain that makes us better parents. She is practically our non-romantically-involved sister-wife. 


I am entirely amazed by strength and resiliency of single parents. It’s a position I certainly don’t envy. But if I’m being completely honest I also wonder how partnered parents manage without an Auntie Tata.

Now nearly eight months into this whole parenting thing I realize that it truly does take a village to raise a child. Or at least an Auntie Tata. 

Mac has to learn to share her with Fergus
What does your village look like?


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23 comments:

  1. We have a big village (bordering on a city!) and even moved when Meredith was 6 months old to be closer to our families. We knew we were going to need the help and support with this child :-)
    We were never meant to do this parenting thing on our own. Children need their mothers, fathers, grandparent, uncles, aunts, and those who stand in when the others are not able to be present.
    What a lovely tribute to Auntie Tata.

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    1. I'm glad you have that kind of support Julie! It's so very needed.

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  2. Awww! This is such a sweet post! I am lucky enough to have a large family within 30 minutes of me and Jay's smaller family within 10 minutes of us. When I was working, Jay's mom was great at running to the school to bring a forgotten lunch or pick up a sick kid and take them home to put them to bed. When the flu hit our house the same week Jay was on bed rest for his back, my mom made my dad take time off work to drive her over so that she could take care of Abby while I was puking my guts out. I don't know how people without family around do it, I know I couldn't! You are so very lucky to have an Auntie Tata because I don't have have a single friend in my life that could replace my family in a time of need!

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    1. I'm glad you have all of that family around Leslie! With three kids I'm sure you need an even bigger village! Yes we are so very lucky to have her.

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  3. I am a single Mom by choice. My daughter and I live with my sister. And AMEN! Having Tia in the house makes a world of difference! We grew up in the South in the 60's-70's and like you, had relatives who spoiled us and disciplined us like we belonged to them. Now my parents, grand parents and most of my aunts and uncles are all gone. We live far from the cousins we grew up with. It's hard work, but I try to keep the visits going with cousins so my daughter will have that family bond when she's older. Great post!

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    1. Single parenting by choice is so brave! I'm in aw! And so glad you have your sister for support!

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  4. Very sweet! I enjoyed reading this!!

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  5. Mac is definitely a very lucky little boy to have Auntie Tata! :) We often say we would move back to Ottawa JUST for the sole purpose of having her closer to our boys - miss her lots! Great post :)

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    1. I can imagine you do! Well if you ever come back we will happily share :)

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  6. It truly does take a village to raise a child. And we find family where ever we are.

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  7. I am lucky enough to have an "Auntie Tata" in my mother in law. I know how that sounds... crazy! But it's true. She'd drop anything to come and help. When my daughter was born, she came from another country to visit her in the hospital within days of her birth.

    These women are wonders of nature. And we couldn't live without them.

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  8. She sounds like a wonderful addition to the family!!! Wish I had her too :P. Our village was our family, but then we moved. Guess we rely mostly on ourselves now. And verbal support from the blogging community!

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  9. You are all lucky to have Auntie Tata in your life. For the first four years we lived very far from family and it was so hard and stressful. They would visit a few times a year and drop everything when needed (my dad took FMLA to fly across country and care for me and my not yet 2 yr old when I was on bedrest with #2). We eventually moved closer to family..though still a few hrs away it was much easier. We made some wonderful friends that became our local family.

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  10. Auntie Tata is amazing! She looks like a baby whisperer. So happy that you, your wife and Mac have her love & support. It really does take a village. I can see why she has fallen in love with Mac, too. He looks pretty charming.

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  12. One can imagine how much responsibility for a single parent to raise his child. I admire people who choose to raise their child on their own. Good thing there are working moms support group for single parents that they can depend on in case of emergencies.

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  15. Whenever I see babies, I remember the days where we celebrated the shower party for our baby daughter. She's sixteen now and we can still remember how happy we were during those days and up until now.

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  16. I remember buying lots of educational toys for my sister’s first child. I really love my niece and I can feel that she loves me as well because I took care of her until she’s five years old. Auntie Tata looks really confident in taking care of the baby and the dog at the same time.

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  17. Well, I know for a fact I've been an awesome aunt too (because my niece says so). I'd always bring her something special like dress, toys, books, among other things every time I came for a visit. My sister is kinda getting annoyed because she said I was spoiling her daughter so much. Though I know deep inside she's grateful too because our little Kayla is getting full of love.

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  18. This guy is so lucky to have a lot of mommies around! What's great living with a village of families around is that some of the clothes of your nieces and/or nephews can be passed down to newborns in the family. That's why cousins are closer and they get more attention from other relatives.

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